Tuesday, May 21, 2024


Hi, everyone! 

So firstly, I'm sorry for not updating this blog for the past 5 months. Things have been extremely tough for me, and it's just been a nightmare dealing with it all. Now, thankfully, I am in a better place... So I wanted to update my blog and let you know how I'm doing now. 

January, February, and March of this year were HORRIFIC! In January, my OCD and panic attacks were horrible. I spent the month having to stop doing things I enjoyed (like my guitar lessons) and really just embrace being disabled. 
In February, I intentionally overdosed–and ended up in the hospital for 3 days due to my suicide attempt. I OD'd on Benzo's and almost had to be intubated. It was a mess. I was a mess. I came home after the 3 days and then subsequently suffered from SEVERE Benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome for the next month. My withdrawals were horrible. I was ordered off of my Xanax by my psychiatrist, and she also stopped my antidepressant as well (which I also OD'd on). It turns out I was extremely dependant on the Xanax. Not having it for the whole month of February and March was awful and so hard. My withdrawal symptoms were horrific. I was having extreme akathisia and restlessness, hot flashes, uneasy feelings in my body, HORRIBLE OCD symptoms and severe panic attacks almost every day. Thankfully I was able to overcome the Benzo withdrawals and become healthy again. 

In April/May I had a really tough time with increased panic attacks and horrible OCD and depression. It was not a good time for me, and I was extremely suicidal as well during this time. I had two neurostimulator adjustment appointments over the past 5 months–but none of the new settings were working for me. 

This past Friday I had my most recent DBS adjustment appointment. This appointment went GREAT, and the new settings they put me at have seemed to really help me. Over the past 4 days since, I've had hardly any OCD thoughts, and I've had ZERO anxiety and panic attacks. I'm so hopeful that maybe these settings are the right ones. I'm a bit hesitant, though–as my OCD/Anxiety always seems to come back and roar up again after it's been better for a while. I'm cautiously optimistic about my future now. I REALLY hope that my OCD and panic attacks will be better so I can finally start working again, start dating again, and start getting the motivation to do things I love again–like playing guitar and recording music.

Anyways, that's how I've been doing over the past 5 months. Sorry again for being so quiet on this blog. I've been meaning to update you all and make another YouTube video update again–but I've just lacked the motivation. 

Thanks for reading, and like always if you have any questions about DBS for OCD feel free to leave a comment below or write me an email. I love being able to share my journey and help others who are in the same miserable boat as me.