Thursday, January 18, 2024

December/January Update:

Hi, everyone! Sorry for not posting for so long. Life just kinda got in the way. 

In terms of how I'm doing... I'm doing very meh. There's not been much improvement w/ my lack of motivation and laziness/depression. I'm still struggling every day to do the things I need to do; like showering, brushing my teeth, spending time not being horizontal on the couch–unlike how I am now spending 22-23hrs out of my day horizontal while laying on the couch on my cell phone. 

My last appt up at UW in Seattle, we ditched the Dutch protocol that Dr. Martijn Figee at Mt. Sinai in NYC prescribed for me and that my team of doctors were following. My neurologist instead put me on a Parkinson's patient protocol which is different in certain ways. At first I felt better. But over the coming weeks in December and into January I started to become super hyperactive and manic. So that was NOT pleasant and we needed to remedy it immediately, So I just the other week switched back down to my November settings/parameters of 4.2mA's. 

Tomorrow morning at 9:30AM I have my NEXT neurostimulator adjustment appointment at UW. I am already settled into our friend's house for the evening here now and am ready to get to my appt tomorrow AM and get it over with. I am REALLY hoping that this appt will be the one where we get me put on the right parameters and settings. It's almost been a year now since my initial neurostimulator turn on... And the one year mark will help my team of doctors see if they think this DBS procedure has been helpful and beneficial for my OCD. I think in some aspects my OCD is much better. But in terms of the most disturbing and disabling aspects of my OCD–like my intrusive thoughts, fear of having panic attacks, and having generalized anxiety and PTSD... I think there's a lot of room for improvement, 

It's weird to think that a year ago this month I got my surgery performed. Time sure does fly! 

I am about to start an IOP program at a behavioral health center at my local hospital starting next week. I'm not super stoked about it... But my therapist really has pushed for me to do it and my parents think it could be worth a shot. Luckily it's only 3 days out of the week for 3hrs a day. I am of course super worried about having panic attacks while I'm there and away from home... But the 3hrs 3x a week seems decently manageable. If anything, it will give me structure during my day and a chunk of time where I can be off of my cell phone. 

Anyways... That's what's up with me. I'm still very much depressed and hopeless and am completely unmotivated to do ANYTHING whatsoever. Things I use to enjoy doing like playing guitar, recording music, and listening to music now feel impossible for me to do. I just have zero energy all the time. Part of me thinks it's all the psych meds that I'm on. I'm on like 5 sedating medications and am also on uppers, too. So no wonder I am sedated and tired all day long! I want to ask my psychiatrist if I can ween off most of my medications... But I am doubtful that he will agree to it. For my DBS and for the study they're doing on me–they want to keep the variables the same. Which I understand completely... But it's like; at what point do I do what's best for MY health and wellbeing. I know that getting off of some of these really potent meds would help my mood and feeling of being tired all day long/having no energy. 

Well, we shall see how tomorrow's appt goes. I will keep you guys' updated on my progress and symptoms with another blog post update later this January or in February.

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