Sunday, April 2, 2023

 Ugh! I'm struggling (again)!

Hey, everyone!

So if you read my last update you will know that we up'd my DBS parameters to 3.0mA's about 5 days ago. I was doing really good for the first two days–but unfortunately the 3.0mA setting was causing me to have severe insomnia (again). And also, I've noticed that I've been really struggling with my OCD thoughts, compulsions, more frequent panic attacks, and severe anxiety as of late. There was an incident on Friday evening where I had a very severe panic attack while at my therapy appointment. I noticed as soon as I entered my therapist's office I started having severe OCD thoughts and anxiety and uneasiness. 
As soon as our appointment started I told my therapist that I was having a panic attack and she asked if I wanted/needed to leave. I told her that "it's okay" and I decided to stick it out–which I'm glad I did. (And she was glad I did, too). After I got home I was a wreck, though. I was non-stop crying for 3-4 hours, was having SEVERE suicidal ideation–to the point where my parents wanted to take me into the ER or an inpatient facility. Luckily my Mom had the smart idea of going to get my Medtronic kit from my apartment and we turned down my stimulation to 2.5mA's so that I could just finally fall asleep. (I had taken my night time pills and was having severe insomnia due to the stimulator's settings–and due to my non-stop crying/hysteria). 

So friends... If you could please keep me in your prayers and thoughts I would appreciate it greatly!
Please pray that me and my doctors will be able to come up with the right/perfect setting for my neurostimulator–and that we'll be able to reduce my anxiety, OCD, and panic attacks. 

I have an appointment on Friday 4/7 up at University of Washington with my neurologist and psychiatrist for adjusting my DBS stimulator–and for routine follow-up.
I'm SO sick of my damn OCD, anxiety, and panic attacks having such a grip on my life. I just want to be a normal person and do normal person things...

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